I'm exactly where i'm supposed to be

At times in life I question the things around me. Sometimes, i even question the people around me. I wonder just what part of my life is real and what part is make-believe. Sometimes i wonder if the life i'm living is the life i should be living at this very point in time. I wonder if the mistakes i've made in my past have made me stronger or if they've made me more fearful of change. I wonder if my "lost ones" really have ended up in heaven or if i'd just like to believe so. Heck, sometimes i wonder if i'll go to heaven if today was my last day. My mind is a very strange place to be, but I love that i'm still able to question the things around me.

I'm not crazy - not certifiably anyways - but I have many personalities in my head. Most of them are friends and live on the same general page, and some just really don't belong (i'm working on 'em though :p) . I guess that's why some days i'm bursting with confidence and other times i cower in a little corner in my mind. For the most part, i've learnt never to show fear/insecurities because people feed off what u give them... so i'm good on that front. But then, like everyone in this world, i know that i'm not perfect and there's so much building left to be done. However, these many parts of me make me who i am - the person you've come to know and love :) ... or well, the person you're still trying to figure out... The Onion :))

I live in a bubble, for the most part. Few friends, family, school...very basic nucleus. Every once in a while i re-examine the bubble and make some adjustments but for the most part, God has blessed me with fantastic people around me, and I try to keep things as they are and show them as much love as i can.

I thank God that i was born into this life, this body, this family... and i do not claim to deserve any of it - i can only be thankful for God's grace. Too many times I see things/people that make me question the world and how unfair life could be. Like hungry children, people born into poverty, war, unhappy homes... i've never had to experience these things and i'm thankful that God has blessed me thus far. I pray it remains this way, and that my circumstances gets even better... even though that may seem selfish. I also pray for God to somehow make me a blessing to these people that have "less" somehow. I believe there's no point to life if you can't be a blessing to those around you.

On another note, the Bible says that "your gift shall make room for you" and it also speaks of using our talents wisely. I have few talents that are obvious to me but I haven't quite figured out how to use them wisely. Ever so often i forget that they exist until they randomly surface and someone shows appreciation. The whole point is not the appreciation, but to use my talents as a blessing...whether they're recognized or not. God give me the grace to figure this out with time.

This has been a long note about my random musings - the things that have been at the forefront of my mind recently. The world seems to be in a state of unrest and sometimes I avoid the news because I know it's mostly bad news and my heart can't take it. So many people dying daily, for no apparent reason - other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or was it really their time? I find it hard to understand sometimes. I just choose to believe that personally, I'm exactly where i'm supposed to be... and i need to make the most of my every day.