...

via icanread

...

when you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. it is an impossibility. it is even a lie to pretend to. and yet this is exactly what most of us demand. we have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. we leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. we are afraid it will never return. we insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom…

EXCERPTED FROM “THE GIFT FROM THE SEA” BY ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH

via flummoxedbird

Been a while...

It's been a while since I've written anything... I guess it's because I started editing my thoughts everytime I let them spill to a page. I wanted to be able to write and be completely honest - not necessarily about anything "deep" and "meaningful"... Heck, I wanted to say it was a beautiful day outside and not spend 10hrs analysing in my mind what exactly made it so beautiful. That's the problem, I've been thinking too much. About anything and everything. I'm not at any crazy crossroads, no major issues, no big news... Just "blah!"

I keep feeling like I should be doing more! But more of what? How?

I keep thinking I should have more. Why? Of what?

When I do "more" I wonder of it's enough. I wonder if what I'm  spending more time/energy/prayers on is really worth it. Well, it  probably is... But then I wonder if my time wouldn't be well spent on something else.

I know that every dream is hard work. I know that sometimes our dreams  don't come true but then we recieve even more than we could conceive in our wildest dreams and it turns out just right! I know that, and I've experienced that. Quite a few times too. BUT, I can't help but  

wonder "what next?"

Actually, I guess I am at some kinda crossroads. If you ask what exactly I'll be doing in a year, I can't honestly give you an answer. If you asked me 4 years ago what I'd probably be doing in 2011, I'd have had quite a few answers ready. But the older I get, the more I realize that plans (far out plans) just give you something to color out on your calendar, but hardly ever go as you expect.

So there it is- my cluttered mind. Some days I sit and plan and plan... And I work myself up and get so eager for the next day, the next month, the next year. BUT a flaw I recently realized is that when things don't go quite as I expect, I tend to bundle up my plans and  stash 'em... Telling myself "ah, well... It'll happen whenever... And it'll work out for your good." Some might see this as me having blind faith ( and I had convinced myself that's exactly what it was- faith) but honestly it really balls down to lack of enthusiasm and me just  

looking, and waiting. That way, when something great happens, I'm surprised and grateful while everyone tells me "of course you had nothing to worry about... We always had faith in you" and I smile, and lie that I was never really worried in the first place.

I smile. I smile a lot. I don't believe in worrying others when deep down I know there's nothing Major to worry about (I'm alive, in good health, with a fabulous family and the love of God....that's more than many people can say)  I sometimes even sleep with a smile. I'm not sure I ever mastered the art of frowning. Some mistake this smile for an always cheerful demeanor - I don't mind. I'd rather they smile with me than hold vigil in worry. Lol

This is my blog. My online "journal" that hardly ever gets personal and really just mirrors my random musings. But every once in a while, it's the place I come for a hug (well, writing things out usually gives me the fuzzies of a hug)

In other news - the sun is Finally out in SC! For this reason, I am truly thankful. I love sunny days :-)

...

via avenuemaria

...

via JustTryAgain